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Yes, you read the tile right. This post is really about masturbation. Many topics, masturbation included, are very taboo in the church. Unfortunately, it’s typically these very topics that many Christians wrestle with the most. Rather than tackling these uncomfortable topics head on, often times we ignore them and allow them to inflict much more damage on us then they should ever be able to. I haven’t shied away from the uncomfortable posts in the past, so why start now?
What Do Christians Think About Masturbation?
Leviticus “clearly” instructs us not to masturbate, right? Oh, it doesn’t? Many teach that Leviticus is all we as Christians need to know concerning masturbation.
Many Christians argue that it’s perfectly fine to masturbate as the bible never clearly addresses the subject. They say that Leviticus was cultural and doesn’t apply to us.
I remember a day many years back when I wanted to know if it was ok for me, a Christian, to masturbate. Desperate for an answer, I turned to the one place where you’re guaranteed to find a wide variety of opinions: Google. Click after click, bible verse after bible verse, opinion after opinion, I finally found a site (dedicated to Christian teens, nonetheless) that caught my eye.
The article was written by a Christian youth pastor (if I remember correctly) in his mid 20’s. He was wearing cool eye glasses, an earring, and he had a soul patch. This dude was hip! He wrote in a way that I could relate with. His lengthy article can be summarized as this: masturbation is okay as long as you don’t lust.
Jackpot! A Christian, a pastor at that, just told me that I could masturbate. All I had to do was not lust. How hard could that possibly be? That was all I needed to hear. I shut and locked my door and dimmed the light.
Don’t worry, I’ll spare you the details.
So What’s The Verdict?
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t masturbate without lusting. Over time, I tried this method a few more times. I’m relatively sure that I was able to do it without lusting one time, but it was one of the toughest things I’ve ever had to do…and definitely not worth the effort. Soon I realized that this wasn’t gonna work for me.
I felt convicted. And guys, as far as I’m concerned, that’s what it comes down to.
There are so many gray areas that we Christians worry so much about:
- Can I smoke?
- Can I lust over my wife?
- Can I get tattoos?
- Can I pierce my [body part]?
- Can I wear a bikini to the beach (insert joke here)?
I feel that we (Christians) tend to give undeserving attention to these questions. Some people, heck, some RELIGIONS base their entire existence on these silly details. They major in the minors and seemingly miss the beauty and power of the Gospels.
To be fair, I believe that the masturbation issue, along with many other “gray area” questions are important and DO deserve some attention.
Putting Words Into Action
A few years back my pastor, Greg Surratt, put together a list of twelve questions that he challenged a Christian to ask oneself when faced with one of these “gray area” questions.
- Is it beneficial to me personally and to the gospel?
- Will I lose self-control and be mastered by what I participate in?
- Will I be doing this in the presence of someone who I know will fall into sin as a result?
- Is it a violation of the laws of my city, state, or nation?
- If I fail to do this, will I lose opportunities to share the gospel?
- Can I do this with a clear conscience?
- Will this cause me to sin by feeding my sinful desires?
- Am I convinced that this is what God desires me to do?
- Does my participation proceed from faith in Jesus Christ?
- Am I doing this to help other people, or am I just being selfish?
- Can I do this in a way that glorifies God?
- Am I following the example of Jesus Christ to help save sinners?
So, can I masturbate?
- I cannot justify masturbation as being beneficial to me. Save the “health” responses.
- Personally, yes. Masturbation clobbers and consumes me.
- Hopefully not.
- No.
- No.
- Absolutely not (again, that’s a personal conviction).
- Oh yeah. Lust.
- No.
- No.
- Being selfish.
- I seriously doubt that.
- No.
I cannot justify masturbation. Rather than throwing a blanket “Christians’ shouldn’t masturbate” statement out there, I’ll leave it at this:
Take it up with God. I’m sure he’ll give you direction.
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Okay, now, please do the same list for playing video games.
I’m afraid it will fail just as much.
What about watching TV? What about reading the comic section in the newspaper?
What about having fun at all? Does that Glorify God? Are you following the example of Jesus Christ by doing fun stuff (like watching a movie) instead of spreading the gospel?
Personally I don’t think it’s just a bad list. I think it’s basicly THE list to ruin your life, unless you have black belt in cherry picking situations to check against the list.
There’s nothing wrong with being selfish sometimes.
Drakim,
Personally I only use the list for those “gray area” questions that I might have. Video games, TV, having fun, etc, aren’t gray areas for me.
Hey Bill,
Good post & thanks for reminding me about Greg’s list. I had a conversation with a woman not too long ago on my blog about the same subject matter (see my sig link).
Seeing as how I used to lead a men’s sexual addiction group (now do a-z), I’ve seen first hand how something as simple as masturbation can slowly destroy somebody’s life. Most of the guys in there weren’t in danger of showing up on “to catch a predator” or be caught stealing your underwear off a clothesline to make themselves a coat (what the…?)
They were ordinary guys who got out of God’s design and plan for sex, which is meant for fun but also to model God’s love for us. They’re not alone, either. According to the most strict definition of SA groups (secular or Christian), and conversations I’ve had with guys once they put down the facade and be real, about 99% of guys could be in those meetings. Does that mean the definition is too strict, or that we all have a problem? When I see the impact on lives of people and their loved ones, I know it’s the latter. You’ll notice a huge increase in the number of women’s groups now that it is becoming more socially acceptable, too.
See there were some concerns in comments thus far, and sure, that list could (and should, IMO) be applied to other situations to see if it brings me closer to or further from God. However, I didn’t see anywhere that Greg or Bill said it had to pass all 12 with 100% flying colors. If someone is looking for justification of their actions, don’t even waste time with the list, looking for loopholes or a score one has to “beat” in order to get away with it. That misses the underlying principle.
Thanks for provoking some self-reflection and honesty in me this morning.
You’ve got to wonder why so many Christians are addicted to porn and such. I think it’s because they repress their normal sexual desires so much that the cork explodes out of the bottle when the pressure is unnaturally built up.
The whole evangelical/conservative Christian view of sex is distorted and unhealthy in my opinion.
As usual, I don’t care what the Bible says so that allows me to use other things such as science, medicine, and psychology — aka “reality” — to judge these issues.
Personally, I don’t care if you guys become monks but when young people are taught these harmful and repressive things about sex, that is just plain immoral. That’s right, I think your Biblical, Christian rules are immoral.
Along the lines of writerdd thoughts. Why is it Christians either don’t masturbate OR become addicted to porn? Why does it seem moderation isn’t possible?
I “lust” after women I see on the street, but it doesn’t consume my life/thoughts. I masturbate, but at appropriate times/places and it doesn’t interfere with my relationships or other responsibilities. I recognize these feelings and can act on them reasonably. Sex is a natural urge that can’t be ignored, when you pretend it isn’t you are asking for trouble.
Obviously whatever makes you feel like you are on the right path it fine by me. However, I feel it is too bad that many religious people can’t find the very large middle ground. This is a problem with being taught you are sinners/unworthy/weak, you aren’t taught you can control your own life.
Bill, I loved this post, and thank God for your openess and honesty.
HappyNat, true Christianity isn’t about telling others we are weak or unworthy. It is that God loves us right where we are, as we are. Does feeling weak and unworthy come out of Christianity, maybe, but I say no. A pastor (http://www.thevillagechurch.net/) I respect often points out the largest section in Barnes and Noble is “Self-Help.” That doesn’t stem from Christianity … the more I think about how large a section that is, the more I notice it everywhere. Not everyone faces up to it, but a lot of us feel broken inately, God or no God. To blame Christianity because it recognizes this brokeness as sin and provides rescue from it isn’t fair. Unfortunately, that is the image we Christians often present and often due to bad representation, we bring it onto ourselves.
Now you took all the fun out of it
In all seriousness, good post.
You are definitely not your typical Christian, keep up the good work, and thanx for sparing us the details.
Bryan,
The whole basis of Christianity is that people are “unworthy”. If people aren’t inherently evil there is no need for Jesus’ sacrifice and the whole religion collapses. People don’t need to be told they are weak/unworthy directly but it comes across in any teaching from the bible.
Very good point about the self help section in the bookstore is an interesting parallel. Also interesting as I’ve heard the bible called the ultimate self help book. I agree many people feel broken or feel something is missing in their lives. The universe is a huge unexplained place, scary stuff happens all the time, everyone does bad things, and we want to know why. People search for something to make sense of it all, is it because we are born evil, or because we don’t think positive thoughts, or is it the sign we are born under, or demons? I think we limit ourselves and what we can do, when we look for outside reasons.
BTW, I wasn’t blaming only Christianity as many religions/philosophies teach that people are unworthy/weak not just christianity.
HappyNat,
Yeah, sorry, I didn’t think you were blaming it as the only teacher of unworthiness. However, unwrothiness or result of sin is a part of it, and I wasn’t trying to imply it wasn’t. My point is unworthiness isn’t at the center, but God’s glory. Thanks for the comments … good discussion.
I have a much simpler question for grey areas. It’s only one question but it has deeper meanings when you thing about it. It is this: does it increase my happiness?
Does test firing the death star make me feel happy? Oh yeah, doin’ the Han Solo can feel really good. It’s a short term happiness though, I don’t enjoy same post coital satisfaction and shooting Womprats in Beggar’s Canyon lacks for the opportunity for a cuddle. If I feel the need to tinker with the R2 unit I’d much rather bring some satisfaction to someone else as well. That increases my happiness to a greater extent than just scratching Yoda behind the ears.
Also it is very often true that building up to an event can increase the pleasure of it. Anticipation is a wonderful aphrodisiac. Of course, for the single person or someone who has decided for some reason to extend that anticipation to record levels then making the Kessel Run might be the best option. It’s not that you’re taking anything from anyone else.
You won’t go blind either, that’s a myth.
Thanks for letting me use some of my favourite Star Wars themed euphemisms for masturbation.
Bill, you just got on my list of things I don’t want to see….ever!
One question I wonder. Can you masterbate to your wife/husband? But then again, as Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell point out, “ain’t nothing like the real thing baby”. =))
oh and when I mean masturbate to your wife/husband, I mean think of them while….you know
I got ya, Bryan. Agreed good discussion.
Great post hover! Although I’m not sure how you left out Leia’s slave costume.
HappyNat, yum.
Here’s what I think:
From http://friendlyatheist.com/2008/06/07/honest-talk-about-the-safest-sex-of-all/
Of course you can masterbate! Jesus himself said “love your neighbor as you love yourself”.
Hey, does that mean you should masterbate your neighbor too??
I would take that 12-item list and replace it with only one item: “1) Will this action harm others?” If the answer is no, the act is not immoral.
If you won’t just throw out that list wholesale, at least throw out this item: “6) Can I do this with a clear conscience?” The conscience is a great tool for telling us that we should live morally, but it’s lousy for telling us which actions are moral. You need to be cold and rational, not go by feelings, to accurately figure those out.
hey i enjoyed the post i think its a really good read and effective when thinking about this topic…I think one of the hardest things to do is to break an addiction, especially if you have been doing it for years….
The list may seem kinda extreme to some, but it pretty much focuses on your interaction between yourself, God, and others around you. A few posts up talks about how Christian men are addicted to porn, and it may be because of the repression and what not, but think if we never had to lust we would never have the problem…Not to be mistaken when you see someone attractive, you are naturally going to glace, but its where you stop and think and move a long, rather than stopping and staring at which then the lust comes in…..Ive thought many ways in and out to justify porn, but its impossible if you truly have faith in God, even if it doesnt effect ur family, friends, and relationships, you’re still going to be lusting & feeding ur addiction, and you wont know it till you try to stop…
No matter if you can hide it really well and it doesnt effect ur relationships, or if ur relationships know what your doing and dont care, Its still gonna be between u and God in the end and thats when its going to matter
but anyway, thanks for the read, u gave me a good reality check