When I submitted my life to Jesus, I did a holy house-cleaning:

• Ditched my non-Christian friends (thank GOD they have since allowed me back into their lives)
• Quit the bar scene
• Cleaned up my language
• Changed the music I listened to

I can easily recall the day I changed my ring tone from Pearl Jam - Yellow Ledbetter (what a jam!) to Enough - Chris Tomlin. The lyrics to the chorus are beautiful:

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

Three years and many ring tones later (currently rockin’ the theme to The Office), I question how many of those lyrics I actually believe.

You see, I BELIEVE that God is more than enough for me, but I don’t FEEL like God is more than enough for me.

This is precisely why my breakup with Tiff has been tougher on me than it should have been. I put a weight on her that she was never intended to carry (Matt Chandler quote). I counted on her to be my ultimate joy, my ultimate love, my ultimate fan…my ultimate.

That’s God’s role…not a girl’s.

But the concept of God being my ultimate is still a bit foreign to me.

So now I pray daily (in so many words):

God, I believe that you are more than enough for me, but I don’t feel it. Would you show me how true it actually is. YOU are my biggest fan. YOU love me more than ANY girl ever can/will. YOU are proud of me. You REALLY ARE all I need. I know that you love me, but I don’t know what that actually feels like. I struggle loving you as much as I should. I look at you as a disciplinarian whose only job in life is to correct me when I’m wrong. Would you teach me to love you more and show me who you REALLY are.

Like I said, I struggle even saying that he’s all I need, but I’m trusting that God is a big God who can change a simple dude like myself.

Yes, I’m very open, honest, and real in my prayers. Why wouldn’t I be? He already knows how I REALLY feel.

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Perhaps this won’t be my most popular blog post ever, but here’s what’s been on my heart and mind as of late (if you care):

• I’m currently learning a very important lesson: every circumstance is what I make it.
• I have the the option and the ability to choose how I view and react to every circumstance.

The ball doesn’t always bounce in the direction that I expect (or want) it to. In James, the author writes, “WHENEVER (not if) trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for JOY. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to GROW. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be ready for ANYTHING.”

That’s awesome - ready for ANYTHING! Being joyous in times of trouble is SO opposite of how we’re trained to react, isn’t it? I’m learning that it IS possible, and that it DOES grow me. It’s quite the experience and a bit mind-bottling (Blades of Glory).

In Philippians 3:13, Paul writes, “I am focusing ALL my energies on this ONE thing: FORGETTING THE PAST and looking forward to what lies ahead.” In 4:6 he says, “Don’t worry about ANYTHING; instead, pray about EVERYTHING. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. IF YOU DO THIS you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand.”

I have a tendency to live in the past. I dissect and dissect, lose sleep and have bad diarrhea (TMI?):

• What could I have done differently?
• What did I do wrong?
• Why am I so selfish?
• Why can’t I get it right?

Paul instructs me to FORGET about the past and look FORWARD! Tough, isn’t it? I’m claiming God’s promises that he wants to give me his ABSOLUTE BEST in life, and that, my friend, is freakin’ exciting!

Also, I can only control the decisions that I make. Therefore, there’s no reason for me to get all up in arms over other peoples’ decisions.

Every Christian knows that God can give us “a peace that passes all understanding.” But I just noticed that there are three stipulations:

1. Don’t worry
2. Pray
3. Tell God what I need

THEN God will give me that peace - cool! I also find it interesting that we’re COMMANDED not to worry. Also cool!

Lastly, verses 8-9 of chapter 4 are my favorite: “Fix your thoughts on what is TRUE and HONORABLE and RIGHT. Think about things that are PURE and LOVELY and ADMIRABLE. Think about things that are EXCELLENT and WORTHY OF PRAISE. Keep putting into practice ALL you have learned from me and heard from me and saw me doing, and the God of peace will be with you.”

Thoughts are very very powerful and have the ability to change how we act/react.

Sry if that’s boring to you, but I’m fired up! Just a glimpse into my life

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Lord, I pray against the easy way; that I may be forced to rely on you throughout the challenge of the difficult road, the one less taken. I pray that I will grow to know you more and trust that you love me and want what’s best for me.

Please forgive me as I so often love to assume that I am smarter than you and act out of my own flawed intellect. I have a natural inclination to lean towards the easy way.

How great it will be to smile with joy in response to ANY situation that I might encounter as I prepare to be molded and shaped into your planned perfection.

Please forgive me as I tend to worry, overreact, question your presence, and become emotional.

I trust that you are my provider and the only and best comfort that I need.

Please forgive me as I tend to seek comfort in things/people of this world.

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Hey friends!

Check out my post on the eBay atheist site.

I hope you’re all doing great!

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Not 15 minutes after I posted “A New Chapter Begins,” I felt the need to add & clarify.

Instead of finding peace in my faith, I am finding guilt (I do that waaaaay too much). Let me explain by example. Here is what goes through my head:

• If you really trusted God, you wouldn’t feel nervous.
• If you were a real Christian, you’d trust that God knows what he’s doing.
• If you were a real Christian, you would have already healed up and moved on.
• If you were a real Christian, you would fill the huge void in your life with nothing but God.

I know I’m allowed to hurt, be confused (and nervous?), and unsure, but I also know that I’m supposed to be claiming and LIVING the promises of God…easier said than done. How long am I allowed to be shaken up before I need to be back on track, focused and ready to rock? Jesus wept, but for how long? And not that I’m weeping, but I’d love to be able to function at 100% again.

I’m but a man…I hurt, I don’t always know where to turn (”turn to God,” they say…as if some generic Christian comment makes everything better), and sometimes it takes me a while to get my feet back on the ground.

But I feel like I should already be there…and I’m not.

I know I’m too hard on myself, I know I am being fed lies from the enemy, and I know that I’m doing much better than I would have in the past.

I’m a work in progress who ALWAYS wishes he was one step ahead of where he currently is.

Again, I really am excited about where God has me, and I’m sure that he’s teaching me a whole lot right now. I just hate the way that I feel and based on past experience, when I feel this way it’s because something isn’t right. I could go on and on, but I’m sure I’ve said more that I need to already.

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Almost a month ago, Tiffany and I broke up. Without getting into all the details, over the past [nearly] 2.5 years we always said that we trusted that God would give us a peace that passed all understanding if he wanted us to go our separate ways. That peace came and we made a mutual, peaceful, and prayerful decision to obey.

I can easily (but painfully) recall the worst time of my life. I was making decisions that I knew I shouldn’t have been and I knew it was just a matter of time before those decisions came back to bite me in the butt. My body wasn’t functioning correctly. I couldn’t sleep. I barely ate. Most stressful of all, though, was this constant feeling of nervousness and shame that I felt. No matter where I went/what I did, I always felt like something was wrong. The feeling is back and I am currently not able to shake it.

I pray, oh I pray.
I try to stay occupied.
I trust God. I’m sure that I finally do.
I’m at peace with the breakup.
I know she’s happy (which makes me happy).
I claim God’s promises.

Yet I live each moment as if something is wrong. Literally every second of the day I feel like something is wrong. I know it’s probably a combination of emotions and a result of such a sudden and drastic change, but I hate the way that I feel…and I can’t help but think that there is more to it.

My motivation is nearly gone. It’s effecting school, relationships, and the things most important in my life.

Although my life didn’t revolve around Tiffany, my plans for the future included her, as I know hers included me. I still feel confident about our decision to break up, but I feel as if something isn’t right. Why can’t I find my motivation? I need it! I’m half way through my first semester as a pre-P.A. student - I need the grades!

This is the first time that I’ve ever been scared about a decision that I felt God lead me to make. In the past, whenever I’ve made these tough decisions, I’ve felt excited to see what God was gonna do. And, although I may have been nervous, I was always smiling on the inside, ready to see God be God.

I trust you, God, but why do I still feel like I’m doing/I did something wrong??

Things will get better, I know they will (as they always do).

Tiff, I know you’re gonna read this: please don’t think that this is some lame attempt to get you to come crawling back. We made this decision together, and I know we’ll stick to it together. I also am willing to bet that you’re feeling quite similar. Almost two and a half years is a long time. We’re basically going through a mini-divorce. Isn’t it cool knowing that we serve a God who has our best interest in mind? I see that Aunt Tracey is in town - make sure to tell her I said hi

Everyone else - I’m not fishing for any sympathy. This, as it always has been, is my venue to write about my journey. This is no more than a new chapter. Here’s to it!

PS - check out an interview that I recently did with my good friend (and FriendlyChristian.com guest author) Nathan. He’s the missionary that I’ve served with on my last two trips.

Five Questions on Short-Term Missions with Bill Cecchini

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Of course I love Jesus. I’m a Christian, it’s what I do, right?

Consider this quote:

When you are truly in love, you go to great lengths to be with the one you love. You’ll drive for hours to be together, even if it’s only for a short while. You don’t mind staying up late to talk. Walking in the rain is romantic, not annoying. You’ll willingly spend a small fortune on the one you’re crazy about. When you are apart from each other, it’s painful, even miserable. He or she is all you think about; you jump at any chance to be together.

This quote accurately describes the way I act towards a girl whom I love.

This quote does not accurately describe my relationship with Jesus like I wish it did. It’s my goal and prayer to never become stagnant in my pursuit of becoming a fully devoted follower of Christ.

The quote is by Francis Chan and is from his book “Crazy Love.”

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About a month ago I decided that I was done making excuses - it was time for me to finally start tithing! A few paychecks and a million excuses later I’ve taken that difficult first step.

Over the past month or so, I’ve found an excuse not to tithe literally every time I’ve been paid. It seems like there’s never a “perfect time” where I have a “perfect excess” of money that I’d be “willing to part with” to “give” to God.

Finally recognizing that this perfect time is about an imaginary as the tooth fairy, I decided to make yesterday my official tithing kick-off.

Never one to do something without taking a risk, check out this crazy situation:

1. After my tithe, I have about $40 to last me until the 22nd of this month
2. I have a full tank of gas, but after this one runs out (a week or so?) I’ll be done
3. I have a little bit of food left, but not a whole lot
4. I can only be absent from school 6 times before they automatically drop me. So…
5. If I can’t afford to put gas in my car, I can’t get to school. If I can’t get to school, I’ll be dropped.
6. If I’m dropped, I’ll lose 50% of my current income (GI-Bill).
7. If I lose 50% of my current income, I can’t pay my bills (rent, car payment, etc).

Fun, huh?

I wrestled with this decision for a very long time, I won’t lie. Part of my conversation with God was me flat out telling him, “I guess I just don’t trust you, God.”

Some people will argue a “you don’t have to tithe 10%.” I’m not here to debate theology.

Some people will argue, “why couldn’t you have waited until you were a little more financially secure?” I’ve waited and waited and made excuse after excuse. It had to happen now.

Some people will argue that I’m taking advantage of God and expecting him to bail me out. I wrestled with that one quite a bit. I’m confident that I’m acting in obedience and I surely do NOT subscribe to a “give a little and receive a Lexus, two mansions, and a 6-figure bank account” approach to giving.

I’ll post an update to let you know how God came through. I know he will. I’m waiting expectedly.

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The Nicaraguan church that we worked with had concrete floors, plastic lawn chairs for seating, oscillating fans as an a/c substitute, and a garden hose tied to a sink as a source of running water. 

As the worship band warmed up on stage before the Thursday night service, naturally, my expectations were low.

…

The worship band was, and I exaggerate not, louder than any concert that I’ve ever been to. Literally. I almost had to sit down a few times. 

The music was CRANKIN. I looked around…nobody was putting on a show. These people who had nothing were singing out to God…eyes closed…hands raised…giving thanks…praising…joyful.

I wonder what Mr. “church music should only consist of a piano and a hymn book that smells like moth balls” would have thought about this experience.

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I served the people of Nicaragua on a team of 22 individuals. We were an interesting group to say the least. Take all of our baggage and throw it into a barrel. Reach in and you might find…

• rape
• verbal abuse
• physical abuse
• abortion
• molestation
• homosexuality
• drug addition
• alcohol abuse
• abandonment
• divorce
• death of parents
• death of best friends
• anxiety
• depression
• promiscuity

It’s incredible how God can take a group of beat-down and busted-up nobodies and bring them together for the glory of his kingdom.

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